Thursday, February 10, 2011

On Grandpa's Lap (Story of an Ex-Slave)

Joshua Gaylor was born in Mississippi in March of 1850 to Nathaniel Gaylor and Rosena (no indication of marriage). Joshua Gaylor is my great great great grandfather! I have never had the opportunity to meet him or even see him; for obvious reasons. So I began to use my imagination to formulate what he would look like, how he spoke, and the way in which he viewed himself and the world around him. I imagine that he was very intelligent, but his past circumstances (slavery) caused him to regress into a mental prison. I imagined that I would be sitting in his lap and he would say something like this….......


The more I’ve noticed how much things have changed, the more I am aware of how many things remain the same. We hear the songs of America’s cry for freedom, freedom from the land of their birth, the land of their brothers and sisters, freedom from separatism, a harsh caste system, and a sovereign monarch. They cried freedom! Freedom came, along with independence, but soon freedom just wasn’t enough. Someone had to do the hard work while they sat there enjoying this here freedom.

Someone decides that we should use African cattle. Us strong! Us work hard! Us can lift a heavy load, but us cant be free! They say I’s not even a man, a second class citizen, what ever that means. They allows me to fight in that war against us in the Souf and dem Yankees in the Nawf. After that I just knew that I’d gets me a taste of freedom cause I was a war hero just like the white man. Like dem, I cried freedom, but they calls me a plum fool.

During the war, my head thoughts jumped every whicha-way, but all I could think about was being free! I heard the sounds of the bass drum as its carrier drives on, yet the pounding heart of a young and scared negro soldier sounds off like a series of bursting cannons. The pale faced Sergeant yells, “Do as I say boy!” As he gazes into my large brown eyes, my eyes say Fear! My mouth says, Not! My heart cries Freedom, but my troubled mind yells Never! Well, freedom aint so free after all. Us fought in the war hoping that us would one day be like the white man. So here I sits, 78 year later, and they still call me, Boy!

Meeting Dr Dubois

I have always wondered what I’d say to Dr. W.E.B. Dubois if I would have ever had the chance to meet him. Would my mind wander off into a distant land from fear of holding a conversation with one of the most intellectual and highly educated black figures of all time? The first African American to earn a PhD at the prestigious Harvard University; What would he think of me? Am I or will I ever be good enough to be a part of his Talented Tenth? Will he disapprove of my views on modern day elitists, politics, and social issues? Should I even dare to mention black issues? Should I tell him that we are at war with ourselves now? Will he think that I am merely an arrogant fool that has massive psychological temper tantrums that somehow becomes the black ink in my pen, splattering my mental mucus on clean white paper?

Wait! What if he is intrigued by my thoughts? What if he sees my work as modern renditions of his own sweet lyrical sheet music that received multiple head nods from the brothers and sisters, bouncing to the rhythm and flow of his words as a sign of approval? Groovy baby, Groovy! I can dig it! Would he take me under his wing? Would he feel comfortable talking to me about his constant disagreements with Brother Booker T. Washington and Brother Marcus Garvey? Will he agree with my views on today’s NAACP? Would he tell me about his successes and failures of his intent to empower our people? There are so many things that I want to ask Dr. Dubois, but he left earth long before I first opened my eyes. Long before I first opened my eyes to see the world. Long before I first opened my eyes to realize that I was a black boy in a land full of ancient hidden secrets that have evolved into hidden agendas; which my foolish teachers neglected to discuss in depth. How dare they keep such important information from me!

Well my wish finally came true. I finally got to meet the great Dr. W.E.B. Dubois. He appeared to me in a dream. There I was, all alone in the center of a large classroom surrounded by dingy white painted walls with pictures of what seemed to be all of the black leaders both past and present. The pictures are moving! All eyes were on me! There were so many faces, but I vividly remember Thurgood Marshall and Malcolm X both pointing at me, Phyllis Wheatley leaning out of her frame holding a pencil, Ralph Abernathy smiling with his arms folded, Harriet Tubman sitting in a wheelchair tapping her foot, Martin Luther King on his knees praying while looking directly at me, and last but not least, I saw Dr. Cornel West and President Obama sitting together, both leaning forward in their chairs as if they were waiting for me to speak. I became nervous and instantly put my head down and closed my eyes. I was too afraid to look up and make eye contact with any of them.

When I finally decided to open my eyes, I noticed that there was paper scattered all over my desk. I noticed that the hand writing was mine. I started to get that uncomfortable feeling that comes over me when I have writer’s block. I feel disoriented, unorganized, and inadequate among other things. This type of feeling causes me to become depressed, but before I could even fix my mind to focus on becoming depressed, I heard a voice say, “Young man, use your heart, your mind, your intellect, your bad experiences and the good ones. Use what you feel, use what you see, use what you touch and use what you can hear! Listen to God, listen to your community, listen to the people that are afraid to speak out loud, listen to their pain, listen to their fear, listen to their joyous testimonies, listen to their disagreements, listen to their desires; be their voice! If it wont come out verbally, then write it! But above all things, you have to be a Doer! A doer is a honest, fair leader, who knows the people and works diligently to help his people actually sit in the seat of success.”

“What you need to realize is that my world has evolved into yours. The problem is still the color-line, but it goes beyond just a black issue. Now we must work toward helping ourselves and our community, meanwhile taking those steps toward unifying all Americans to become an American Family. A family of a mixture of cultures and ethnicities. Don’t fear son! Don’t fear! You will never be alone, because there are others who are preparing to shake this world as well. You are but one piece of thread, but you are an important piece of the grand tapestry. Find your voice and never stop writing!”

I wake up and walk over to my desk……..AND I BEGAN TO WRITE


THANK YOU DR. DUBOIS